Hairy
My brother would fit right in with the apes and monkeys and that isn't only because he's hairy. One day I happened to be passing by the loo when he sauntered out in a cloud of steam and cheap deodrant.I awarded him a passing glance before continuing on my way.I'd walked a few steps,when I suddenly ground to a halt. Whirling around to face him I asked a question,which has fast becomone one of my favorite insults "what's wrong with your face?" He rolled his eyes and swept past me. ( this whole family has mastered the art of ignoring what they dont want to see/hear) I grabbed his shoulder and swung him around to face me. I held him under my iron grip while he struggled and squrimed. Peering into his face I tried to pinpoint what exactly was wrong with it..."hmm...*gasp*OH. MY. LORD.YOU.SHAVED!" I proceeded to explode intp bouts of hysterical laughter,which the rest of the family mistook for a cry of distress.
When they'd thumped up the stairs huffing and puffing, they were greeted by the sight of me shrieking like a maniac while my brother stood by bewildered. My mother took one look at him,and being the woman who'd gave birth to him,instantly knew what the problem was. Placing a hand on the wall,she steadied herself. "Oh Allah" she moaned to the ceiling, "why must all my children be so experimental?" "Experimental?" my sisters echoed in a tone which left no room to doubt we were all lazy good for nothings, whose last experiments had revolved around potty training,and those hadn't gone too well either. ( Saima started talking at 9 months and gave up flooding the house in yellow fluid at age 2. See the irony? My excuse; Different aspects of different people develop at different rates. This isn't to be associated with any mental or physical deformities.) "Yes" my mother said in a display of increasing strength and shouting power, "even Saima experimented with shavers.She tried one on her palms and few other memorable places." All eyes turned towards my palms, "what what" I muttered hiding them behind my back like stolen candy. A sudden thought struck me "what if my palms were hairy and i'd never noticed." With a strenghtend resolve I faced them with a pout and look of defiance. There weren't having any of it. With great difficulty they pried my fingers apart. I breathed a sigh of relief,my hands were hairless.Phew.My mother regarded me ominously "count yourself lucky."
"And you" she pointed an accusatory finger at my sister, "tried to go bald." That shut the brat up. "13yr olds dont shave" she wailed, "now the hair will go grow back so thick your face will resemble a ...aa...aa.." she spluttered,trying to find words adequate enough to describe the ugliness that was sure to befall him. "A BUSH ! That's it,a bush!." Pause. Another dramatic sigh. Gathering the courage to look at her,my brother mumbled "Jeez mom,I only shaved!" The word "shaved" uttered the way he'd describe something as normal as burping is for an immature-can barely wash his own shit-13yr old. The rest of us snorted and grunted our agreement. "JUST shaved?!" she exclaimed, " now i'll have to hide the shavers before you do something drastic like ..like...like..." "Shave his bum?" my sister supplied. Ignoring her,my mother went on "your handsome face will be ruined,haii Allah." My sister and I looked at eachther incredulously and back at my brother. "Handsome,you call THAT handsome?" I asked with astonishment, before dissolving into giggles again
When they'd thumped up the stairs huffing and puffing, they were greeted by the sight of me shrieking like a maniac while my brother stood by bewildered. My mother took one look at him,and being the woman who'd gave birth to him,instantly knew what the problem was. Placing a hand on the wall,she steadied herself. "Oh Allah" she moaned to the ceiling, "why must all my children be so experimental?" "Experimental?" my sisters echoed in a tone which left no room to doubt we were all lazy good for nothings, whose last experiments had revolved around potty training,and those hadn't gone too well either. ( Saima started talking at 9 months and gave up flooding the house in yellow fluid at age 2. See the irony? My excuse; Different aspects of different people develop at different rates. This isn't to be associated with any mental or physical deformities.) "Yes" my mother said in a display of increasing strength and shouting power, "even Saima experimented with shavers.She tried one on her palms and few other memorable places." All eyes turned towards my palms, "what what" I muttered hiding them behind my back like stolen candy. A sudden thought struck me "what if my palms were hairy and i'd never noticed." With a strenghtend resolve I faced them with a pout and look of defiance. There weren't having any of it. With great difficulty they pried my fingers apart. I breathed a sigh of relief,my hands were hairless.Phew.My mother regarded me ominously "count yourself lucky."
"And you" she pointed an accusatory finger at my sister, "tried to go bald." That shut the brat up. "13yr olds dont shave" she wailed, "now the hair will go grow back so thick your face will resemble a ...aa...aa.." she spluttered,trying to find words adequate enough to describe the ugliness that was sure to befall him. "A BUSH ! That's it,a bush!." Pause. Another dramatic sigh. Gathering the courage to look at her,my brother mumbled "Jeez mom,I only shaved!" The word "shaved" uttered the way he'd describe something as normal as burping is for an immature-can barely wash his own shit-13yr old. The rest of us snorted and grunted our agreement. "JUST shaved?!" she exclaimed, " now i'll have to hide the shavers before you do something drastic like ..like...like..." "Shave his bum?" my sister supplied. Ignoring her,my mother went on "your handsome face will be ruined,haii Allah." My sister and I looked at eachther incredulously and back at my brother. "Handsome,you call THAT handsome?" I asked with astonishment, before dissolving into giggles again
posted by Aishah @ 2:13 am
|