E-mail (Part one)

After coming back online after almost two weeks, everyone's asking me what I’ve been up to the last two weeks. Because repeating yourself a thousand times can really make you see red, and the fact that I have an e-mail here which I sent to a mate, describing what I did (not much). Either repeat myself a billion times,or paste the e-mail. I've opted for the easier one, pasting
the e-mail.

Asterisks are placed to protect the (real) identity of the sender and the recipient. The e-mail will be pasted in parts, as the length of it will put anyone off from reading the whole thing.

"Yes, ANOTHER e-mail in one day, both from ***** (the hot one, not that you’re not hot, but if we had to add up points for all our characteristics which go towards defining person as hot, such as charisma, tendency to be always right, great cooking skills...etc, I win. Though, You get points for amazing laundry sorting). Smile and rejoice, tis your lucky day. So I’m in an e-mailing mood today, and you have the honour of receiving my hormone driven banter (you can put your tongue back in your mouth, I’m only kidding: D) Anyways enough about you. Let's discuss something more exciting, such as...yes you guessed it. Me. (I know your idea of exciting would be discussing a cars engine in great detail, but I, **** who eats bagel is above such things.

So really, because we haven’t chatted in a while, I have all these things I want to tell you, but I only remember half of them after either of us have gone offline.

Let me start with the cell phone incident..."